Why Does Emotional Abuse Make Me So Tired?

The “Flop” trauma response is involuntary and extremely common. Let’s talk about it.

You’ve likely heard of “Fight or Flight” - responses to trauma that are common and well-known.

The Flop response, however, is lesser known, even though it’s extremely common among victims of all kinds of abuse. 

What Does the Flop Response Look Like?

If you’re wondering what the Flop Response looks like, many victims in “Flop” experience:

• Intense feelings of helplessness and surrender;

• Physical and mental weakness

• Dissociation

• Sleepiness

• Loss of, or reduced consciousness

• Physical limpness

• The inability to effectively verbally communicate

The Flop Response in Real Life

A client (with permission) shared this:

Whenever I have to talk to my ex-husband and father of my children, I suddenly get SO tired. My eyes feel heavy and I find myself agreeing with whatever he wants because I don’t have the physical or emotional strength to form coherent arguments, let alone sentences. 

It’s different from “fawning” for me - when I go into the fawn response, I’m actively trying to please the abuser. With “Flop” I’m literally so fatigued that I just go along with it. Like a twig in a river. I don’t have any strength to fight back.

Trauma Responses are Involuntary

I’ve heard victims of abuse blame and shame themselves for every trauma response, feeling that they should have been able to choose a better way to respond. I just want you to know that our bodies and minds protect themselves with these responses.

If you feel a desire to change the way you respond to abuse, it’s essential to begin developing a strong support system, learn about abuse and trauma, and establish self-care practices that include self-compassion as a foundational basis.