My Husband Cheated & I Lost My Sex Drive

Betrayal Trauma robs us of so many things, including the natural desire for sexual intimacy.

Is My Loss of Sex Drive Because of His Abuse?

Among the many aspects of self that betrayal trauma affects, one’s desire for sexual intimacy can feel lost  in the aftermath of disclosure or discovery.

Many victims of betrayal trauma experience intense emotions related to their loss of desire, including:

Grief, Self-loathing, Numbness, etc. Following Abuse
  • Grief

  • Self-loathing

  • Anger/rage

  • Numbness

  • Depression

  • Anxiety

  • Panic

  • Guilt

  • Shame

I Don’t Want Sex, And My Husband is Putting Pressure on Me

I don't want sex but he's putting pressure on me

Too often, an abusive dynamic accompanies the betrayal, wherein the unfaithful partner coerces the betrayed partner into sexual experiences, citing various reasons, including:

  • They “need” sex in order to stay faithful;

  • They “need” sex in order to “heal” the betrayal’s affect on the marriage;

  • “Withholding” sex is “just as bad” as infidelity, so the betrayed partner owes it to them;

  • Clergy, therapists, or others have counseled the couple to engage in sex for various reasons, and the unfaithful partner uses this abusive and harmful counsel as further leverage.

Here’s the Truth About Sex After Betrayal:

The Truth About Sex After Betrayal

If you don’t want to engage in sexual intimacy, or any other kind of intimacy, with your unfaithful partner, it’s perfectly normal. And you should never be put in a situation where you feel you have to explain yourself, or have to engage when you don’t want to. 

Healthy sexual intimacy requires long-established trust, security, and respect. Intimate betrayal shatters all three pillars of healthy intimacy. It is up to your partner to re-establish these pillars, and putting ANY expectations on you is simply not okay.

My free support group is a safe space for you to speak about your experiences without judgment. Please join us today. ❤️

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Why Does Emotional Abuse Make Me So Tired?

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When It’s Too Toxic to Stay, But Not Bad Enough to Leave Your Abusive Marriage