Isolation is an Insidious Form of Control
Isolation is a systematic process of removing your access to friends and family who may offer support and safety from your controlling partner.
How do they isolate you?
Well, it looks like caring and good-judgment at first. Like all emotional abuse, isolation happens so gradually that you might not identify it until you have lost access to those who would support you.
How Do You Know If Isolation is Occurring?
If your partner:
Regularly tells you that you have poor judgment in people, and that your friends are not good to be around;
Shows signs of jealousy when there is no cause: long-time friends, family members, work associates, even your children;
Alienates your friends and family either by refusing to interact with them, or by treating them poorly;
Sabotages events with other people;
Checks in on you constantly;
Uses guilt to get you to focus all your time, energy and attention on them …
then it is likely they are isolating you.
Why Would Your Partner Isolate You?
To get control over you. Or in other words, to possess you. In their mind, you belong to them; you are their object. You might be their favorite possession, but if they think of you as belonging to them, rather than being an autonomous individual, you are in danger of being isolated and abused.
Isolation limits your ability to get to safety, it increases your insecurity and decreases your resources.
Connection is the Key to Getting to Safety
Begin your road to safety from isolation by finding safe places/people to connect with. This could be an online group that costs nothing so there is no charge on your bank statement that your abusive partner would see; or paying for some coaching but having a friend or your parent pay for it, then you pay them back with cash. It could be connecting with another parent at the playground when you take your kids for a walk, or making friends with the grocery store cashier.
When being isolated, it is necessary for you to step out of your comfort zone, and cautiously connect with others. This is your first step to freedom.
xo, Denalee