Emotional Abuse = Emotional Violence

Emotional Abuse is an Act of Violence. No Wonder You’re So Wiped-Out!

Appropriately naming abuse is required in order to become free from it.

One definition of violence is “an unjust … exertion of force or power.” (dictionary.com) Therefore, all abuse, including emotional abuse, is violence. Naming it otherwise is minimizing, and an abuse in itself. 

You Didn’t Attract the Abuse; You’re Not Responsible For It

When accepting the core truth that emotional abuse by your partner is an act of violence, you may experience fear or shame. How could this have happened to me? What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep letting them do this? Getting to a truthful understanding of the calculated, emotional abuse will include fighting through fear and shame. Because the absolute truth is this: Abusers are good at what they do. They wear thick masks to hide their true selves while luring in their victims. Usually, their abuse isn’t consistent - it’s intermingled with “good behavior” like little kindnesses, gentle conversations, showers of praise, etc. It is the confusion of this roller-coaster behavior that gives the advantage to the abuser.

Identify Abuse, Label Abuse, Remove Yourself From Abuse

The good news is that once you can identify abuse and label it, the filters that shade the truth of your life with this partner dissipate and clarity abounds. With that clarity comes the ability to take actions toward safety and healing. 

It begins with naming the abusive actions. Educate yourself; keep a journal or  a bulleted list; create a timeline of abuse; seek good coaching and support; give yourself grace. Once you can accurately and consistently name what is happening, your next step is boundaries that will protect you against those abusive actions. With practice, your boundaries become a part of who you are. This process leads to safety and healing. It works. Have hope!

xo

Denalee