Boundaries Are Your Protective Actions

Boundaries are not rules for another person to follow, they don’t exact consequences from boundary-breakers.

There is a difference between boundaries and rules. Generally, households have rules for all to follow. If one breaks the rules, there are consequences. But boundaries are simply your own, personal protective actions.

Boundaries vs. Rules:

Boundary:  I will not be yelled at. Therefore, if the abuser begins yelling, I will leave the room or hang up the phone.

Rule:  You can’t yell at me. If you do, you have to sleep on the couch.

See the difference? One is something YOU do to protect yourself. The other requires another person (the abuser) to cooperate. How well does that usually work?

Consider Some Self-Reflection Time to Discover Boundaries That Will Keep You Safe

You might want to reword “rules” to become boundaries. Please don’t share your boundaries with your abuser because, as a rule, abusers weaponize boundaries. It gives them more ammunition to hurt you.

Boundaries Are Something We Practice Until They Become a Part of Who We Are

“Practice” is the important word here. Don’t expect yourself to automatically be proficient in a boundary just because you’ve determined it is something that will protect you. It requires a lot of practice. But the good news is that by practicing over and over, your boundaries will just become a part of who you are!

xo, Denalee