Abusers Intimidate by Guilt-Tripping
For especially responsible and conscientious people, guilt-tripping is extremely harmful.
As a means of control, and a way to power over and “own” their victim, abusers will either directly or covertly suggest that you’re doing something wrong. You’re hurting someone (maybe even them), or you’re the abuser, they say. They criticize you, suggest you’re selfish, or accuse you of not caring.They may impose expectations on you which, if you do not comply with, may make you feel responsible for everyone except yourself.
How to Combat Guilt-Tripping
Stop accepting suggested accusations of guilt. Ask for specifics. Did your abuser suggest that you may have overlooked an important task? Ask them for specifics and to clearly identify what they’re unhappy with. Then judge their criticism against what you know to be true. Go to the facts.
Weigh the abuser’s (and everyone else’s) requests or demands against your current bandwidth. Remind yourself that you have the right to say “no” just like everyone else does. Stop putting pressure on yourself to be everything for everyone, and shake off the suggestions from your abuser that you should continue to run yourself ragged for them.
As with all abuse tactics, decide now that you will live in truth. Take a moment, when an accusation is flung at you, to depersonalize and dissect the words and the truth. Then, claim the truth and emotionally disengage from guilt-tripping accusations.
Stay calm and practice good self-care breathing when you’re dealing with a “guilt-tripper.” They can be very cunning. You can outsmart them and stay healthy!
xo, Denalee