Why Does My Abuser Abuse?
Abuse is never justified, and it is never the victim’s fault. Yet, many survivors find themselves asking, “Why does my abuser treat me this way?” Understanding the motivations behind abusive behavior can provide clarity and help break the cycle.
The Real Reason: Because They Want To
The short answer is that abusers abuse because they want to. They hurt you, and they don’t care that it hurts you. It’s all about power and control, and not about their difficult childhood, mental illness, or anything else. Abusers make a choice to mistreat others, and that choice is never the victim’s responsibility.
Power and Control
At the core of abuse is the need for power and control. Abusers often feel entitled to dominate others and may use manipulation, intimidation, and coercion to maintain their position. It doesn’t matter why they want to control you … it just comes down to this: They choose to behave this way.
Choice and Accountability
Abuse is not about losing control—it’s about exerting control. Abusers make conscious choices to harm others, often targeting those they perceive as vulnerable. Understanding this distinction is essential: abuse is not a result of stress, mental health issues, or addiction—it is a choice.