It’s Not a Communication Issue—It’s an Abuse Issue

For so many survivors, the struggle isn’t just the abuse itself—it’s the gaslighting that convinces them it’s something else. “We just need to communicate better.” “All marriages have problems.” “Maybe if I tried harder, things would improve.”

But here’s the truth: It’s not a communication issue. It’s not a marital issue. It’s an abuse issue.

Why This Distinction Matters

Abuse thrives in confusion. When you believe the problem is a “relationship issue,” you keep trying to fix something that isn’t yours to fix. You go to marriage counseling (which rarely helps in abusive situations), seek advice from friends who don’t understand, and internalize blame that doesn’t belong to you.

Stop Seeking Help in the Wrong Places

• Couples therapy won’t fix this. Abusers use therapy to manipulate and twist narratives.

• More compromise won’t fix this. You cannot “compromise” with someone who thrives on control.

• Prayer, patience, and endurance won’t fix this. You are not called to suffer in an abusive environment.

Where to Turn Instead

• Seek help from abuse-informed professionals and support groups. (Pop into my free support group)

• Educate yourself on emotional and psychological abuse.

• Give yourself permission to stop blaming yourself and start seeing the situation for what it is.

The first step to healing is recognizing reality. It’s not you. It’s not your communication. It’s abuse.